


I Know

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Nervous Dean Winchester, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 02:15:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16652374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: Being with Cas was already something Dean never expected he'd have to the guts to do. Now he was thinking about asking Cas to marry him and he was nervous as all hell.





	1. Early Morning Processing

**Author's Note:**

> i think it's important to mention that i don't normally write much fluff or really happy endings for that matter. so i figured why not write this & see how it goes? i wanted it to be realistic of course, not ooc & overly fluff (to the point where i would grimace). 
> 
> anyways, i'm appreciative of kudos + comments so be sure to leave those! 
> 
> hope everyone is enjoying this season so far, i definitely am (meta is unfolding in front of our eyes which is very positive)!

Out of all the people that Dean could have a discussion about marriage proposals - he chose Jack. Well, he didn't really choose the kid, it just happened to work out that way. Dean had been wrestling with asking Cas to marry him for longer than he'd like to admit. Ever since they officially got together he was trying so hard not to get scared. Being with Cas meant no longer tip toeing around his feelings. He couldn't shove it all to the back of his head anymore. And if he was being honest that was fucking scarier than any monster he'd ever faced.

 

Marriage wasn't something that was utterly important to him. Unlike other hunters he never really imagined himself having a very normal life. Even when he was with Lisa, it didn't feel quite right and it was like he was biding time. Which is apart of why it was never going to work because she wasn't who he was meant to be with. Then there was the whole Lisa almost dying part and Ben pretty much hating him. Until they got their memories wiped. Before Dean couldn't think about them and now he was able to fully confront all of his pain and traumas. It still scared the shit out of him but it was progress as Sam and Cas said.

 

The more he thought about marrying Cas, he wondered what would change exactly. Cas had been apart of the family for years now and he lived with him. So what difference would it really make ? Nothing about their relationship would really change in the end.

 

Despite Dean visibly not paying attention to Jack - he still kept rambling. Dean didn't know what the hell he was talking about but it had something to do with rings. He told Jack calmly that he didn't know if he was going to propose. That it was still up in the air and that he needed to keep it to himself.

 

Jack blinked a few times at him, "I think you should just do it. Also I really want to be your ring bearer."

 

  
"Uh, you do realize that ring bearers are usually kids right?" Dean couldn't help but smirk at how innocent Jack still was in a sense.

 

  
"I'm aware but technically I'm really not that old. And I think dad would want me to be the ring bearer."

 

  
Just like being a husband, Dean never expected to be anyone's father either. With Ben he got so close but there was always blockage somehow. And now Jack occasionally called him dad, especially when Cas was around. At first it made him nervous but eventually he warmed up to the idea.

 

  
"Yeah, I think you're right. Look, I'll think about it, okay? Then when I have a decision I'll get back to you. How's that sound?"

 

  
"Sounds great."

 

  
Soon as Jack left him alone to go back to his room, he was left alone with his thoughts. Dean had so much thinking to do and maybe sleeping on it would help. Though it was now seven in the morning so his sleep was disrupted. He didn't have any sleeping pills to help him along. So he was stuck staying awake and doing some research. He chuckled to himself about how he was turning into Sam. How he'd probably start eating granola and yogurt instead of bacon for breakfast.

 

  
After a moment Dean remembered there was no chaos going on. Michael was dead, heaven had more angels again, Jack's powers were back, Cas was okay and everything was pretty much fine. It actually startled him to think about nothing being wrong. Dean was so used to chaos and misery that he never imagined it being this way.

 

  
Dean yawned and stretched his back then heard a creaking. He turned to see Sam in the corner, rubbing his eyes and yawning himself. Awkwardly Dean shifted and tried to pretend nothing was going on. "Um, how long have you been standing there?"

 

  
"Not that long but what the hell are you doing up so early? Normally you're awake after I am. I know Cas is visiting Heaven right now but you don't need to worry about him." Sam stated softly.

 

  
"Sammy, it's not that. I'm just thinkin' about something important."

 

  
"Don't tell me you're gonna break up with him."

 

  
"What?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows at his brother who was glaring. "Why the fuck would I break up with Cas?"

 

  
Sam gave him a look that said do you even have to ask. "Really? I know he's the love of your life but -"

 

  
"I'm thinking about asking Cas to marry me, okay!?"


	2. Deserving

If Dean weren't stressed out then he'd probably find Sam's facial expression hilarious. Unfortunately was pretty damn stressed and Sam's lack of words was irritating him. He half expected Sam to be congratulating him fifty times over. Instead he was staring at him with his mouth wide open. Dean breathed in deeply and exhaled through his nose to calm himself.

 

This was just what he didn't want to happen and of course it was going to play out like this. Rather than walking out of the room, like he would have have before, Dean stayed put. At least until Sam finally conjured up a few words for him.

 

Sam eventually got over his initial shock by telling him that he was relieved. That he'd been worried for months that Dean would run because it was his usual M.O. Calmly Dean explained that he had no intentions of running. But he also said that letting himself be open with Cas was still nerve wracking for him. And it wasn't difficult for Sam to understand why. Everything in both their lives usually went belly under or someone died. So to have anything genuinely work out was pretty damn strange.

 

They went to make some coffee because getting back to sleep wasn't going to happen. Plus Sam was going to be working a case with Charlie for a few days. So he wanted to get an early start to the day. Dean didn't even bother to make a joke like he normally would. That's how damn tired and stressed out he was about the possible proposal.

 

After getting at least one full cup of coffee in himself, he asked Sam for advice about what to do.

 

 

"Well, um, do you think you're ready to propose? Has Cas even hinted at wanting you to? I'm not trying to discourage you but there's no rush or pressure. Cas will always be family whether you marry him or not." Sam assured Dean with a smile. "Besides you've acted like a married couple for years."

 

  
Dean spat into his coffee out of embarrassment. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? I like to think that I've been subtle all these years."

 

  
"Hah! Sure you have, Dean. Just like I've been secretly dating Rowena."

 

  
"Honestly? That wouldn't surprise me at all." Dean snickered at the glare that Sam was giving him. Teasing Sam would never get old in his opinion and him dating Rowena really wouldn't surprise him. Given Sam's taste in women had always been a bit iffy. And Rowena did occasionally flirt with him in her own way. The more Dean's mind wandered in terms of Sam and Rowena - the more he wished it didn't.

 

  
Sam cleared his throat, "Okay let's just forget that you even said that. In all seriousness I think that you should do what you feel is right. Not just for you but for Cas too. Whatever you decide I've got your back."

 

  
"I'm just scared and it's fucking stupid 'cause Cas has given me no reason to be. It's just my hang ups which he shouldn't have to deal with in the first place. And yeah he loves me but that could change."

 

  
"One thing I know for certain is that Cas will never stop loving you. He's proven that time and time again. Even when you've hurt him, he's always come back. You just need to trust in that."

 

  
"This is getting to be really Hallmark, y'know that right?"

 

  
"Who gives a shit? I think we've earned moment like these and you deserve to be happy."

 

  
When Dean thought about what happiness looked like he saw many things. Cas was always in that vision of happiness and so was everyone else he loved. They weren't in danger or fighting monsters. Everything was okay and he was okay for once. No angel drama, no demon drama, just them.

 

  
"I think I know what I wanna do." Dean patted Sam's shoulder before getting up from his seat. "I'm gonna ask him."


	3. Prepare

"Cas, we've been through hell and back - quite literally. I don't know who I'd be if we never met in that abandoned barn. You've been my best friend and family but so much more than that. So I'm asking if you'll - oh my god that's corny. Don't you think ?" Dean looked up from his piece of paper and saw Jack wide eyed. "What?"

 

  
"I think he'll love whatever you say to him." Jack smiled crookedly. "I know that for a fact."

 

  
"Or he'll finally realize that I'm definitely no catch and run or fly for the hills." Dean was well aware of how hard he was on himself. That was something he still had to work on, unfortunately. He wanted to feel excited about proposing but it left his gut feeling like he drank a tub of moonshine.

 

  
"If he wanted to leave I think that he would have done so long ago. He's told me about the past and how you've hurt him. Though that hasn't stopped him from loving you."

 

  
"Thanks kid, now why don't you go have some fun? Maybe go play a video game or watch a movie?"

 

  
Jack set his now empty cup of hot chocolate down on the table. "I think that's a good idea too. I may go watch that movie "Love, Simon", maybe question my sexuality since I never really have. "

 

  
"Have at it."

 

Once Jack left the room he chuckled to himself and went back to writing his proposal. 

 

* * *

 

 

For most of the day Dean wrote and re wrote what he planned to say. Nothing sounded right to him, nothing felt right and it was like he couldn't sum anything up in words. Their relationship for many years was never centered around communication. Most of that was Dean's fault because of his own issues and whatever disaster was occurring.

 

  
Then the more he thought what they'd actually been through, what he kept inside for over a decade, and the right words came to him. Dean started writing about how they first met, how scary it was to fully accept that he was bisexual and many other things. He didn't want to read off a piece of paper for a proposal. So he memorized what he could and waited for Cas to finally get home. Conveniently his angel did return and scared the shit out of him.

 

  
Dean damn near spilled his beer when Cas appeared in the kitchen. "Dammit, Cas. We've talked about this so many times."

 

  
"Yes, I'm aware that we have. I apologize for my abrupt appearance and how you almost spilled your beer. Would a kiss suffice in making you feel better?" Castiel's face went from apologetic to sly. "I missed you."

 

  
"Get over here."

 

  
When Cas was finally in front of him he cupped his face and kissed him deeply. Dean was too tired for a full make out session, plus it was the kitchen so anyone could walk in. They already had an incident that left Sam avoiding the kitchen for a week. One that involved whipped cream. Dean was the first to pull away when Cas hand went from his lower back to his ass.

 

  
"Woah there, this is a 14A movie. And I'm more than just an ass y'know." Dean joked before pressing a kiss to Cas forehead. "By the way I missed you too. How was heaven?"

 

  
"It went fine and nobody got killed. Besides _heaven is a place on earth with you_."

 

  
"Oh my god. Please tell me you haven't been listening to Lana Del Rey again?"

 

  
Cas cleared his throat and looked anywhere but Dean. "I don't know what you're talking about."

 

  
"I'll let that one slide this last time but next time there'll be punishment."

 

  
"Mmm, like what? Will it involve the handcuffs and blindfolds again?"

 

  
What Dean expected was Jack to be standing in the doorway with disgust on his face. No kid wanted to hear about their parents screwing. Except no one was around and the place was relatively quiet. Only a few apocalypse world people lived in the bunker with them now. Everyone pretty much scattered on their own volition.

 

  
"We could do that or um we could talk? I've had somethin' on my mind for a while now. So could we maybe go for a drive or to our room?"

 

  
This was the moment that Dean hoped would be the start of a new chapter. Dean prepared for Cas to catch onto what he was saying. And for him to tell Dean that he wasn't in the mood for a drive. That would be fair because he just got back and probably wanted to relax.

 

  
When he heard Cas say instead that he'd love to go on a drive, Dean almost threw up. 

 


	4. Saying Yes

Driving around in Baby occasionally helped clear his head but not this time around. Nervously Dean tapped against the steering wheel as they drove down the road. There wasn't anything playing to drown out the quietness. Cas kept glancing over at him and Dean knew it was obvious he was nervous. Sweat was actually dripping down his forehead and he felt like a damn idiot.

 

Each passing minute felt like an eternity but probably not to Cas. The guy had been alive longer than Dean would ever truly understand. He'd seen pretty much everything there is to see. Sometimes it made Dean wonder what he had to actually offer Cas. All those thoughts weren't because Cas instilled them, they were due to Dean's insecurities.

 

Dean abruptly slowed down and parked the car off to the side of the road. Very briefly he shut his eyes so he could figure out what to say. How poetic would it be if Cas rejected his proposal in Baby. The one place that Dean often felt safe in. When Dean opened up his eyes he turned to Cas who was blinking at him. His facial expression displayed confusion but also concern.

 

Pathetically Dean told Cas that he was scared about his reaction to what he needed to say. In a soft voice Cas told him that he didn't need to worry. Dean huffed at that and mentioned how he wouldn't be saying that if he knew.

 

  
In an attempt to comfort him, Cas placed his hand on Dean's. Normally when he was nervous he didn't want to touch anybody. He just needed to breathe and not lose his shit. But Cas wasn't just anybody and touching him calmed him down.

 

  
They sat in silence for a few minutes until Cas calmly encouraged him to speak.

 

  
Dean let out a deep sigh, "I've been thinkin' of this for a while and Jack and Sam told me to go for it. But I don't know what the hell I'm doin'! I'm just not good at this shit. I want to be for you and I promise that I'm trying my best."

 

  
"Dean, you're the love of my existence. I know the saying isn't that but I figured it makes more sense for me. Whatever you're about to tell me, I won't be angry with you. We've been through much, you and I. And I like to think we can survive anything at this point." Cas explained with an unwavering smile.

 

  
"Do you wanna get married. I mean do you wanna marry me? 'Cause I want that with you and that's why I brought you out here. Cas, I can't imagine my life without you and when I do it really fucking sucks. I don't think I could survive again if you left in some way. It would kill me."

 

  
"Dean -"

 

  
"Yeah?"

 

  
Cas face lit up and it looked like he had tears in his eyes. "Yes."

 

  
"Just like that? You're saying yes without even thinkin' about it? What if this isn't what you want?" Dean furrowed his brows thinking he guilt tripped Cas. "I don't want you to say yes just to make me happy."

 

"I'm saying yes because I want to be your husband, officially. I know we could be together for as long as you live without that. But this is what I want."

 

  
Hearing those words come out of Cas was pretty damn amazing. The ring was in his jacket pocket because he wanted to be prepared. Dean's hands were shaking as he reached inside his deep pockets. The ring was in the case and he pulled it out. He asked Cas once more if he wanted to marry him. And softly Cas told him yes. Dean felt tears stinging his eyes as he took the ring out and Cas held his hand out.

 

  
When he slid the ring on Cas finger he reached across the seat to kiss him. Their lips moved against each other's softly like it was their first time. Dean pulled away to rest his forehead against Cas. "I love you."

 

  
"I know, Dean. I love you too." 

 

 

And Dean knew it was true, that it would always be like this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is was pretty damn fluffy near the end there & it's definitely not my speed (not often anyways). i definitely couldn't picture it being too elaborate of a proposal. so i made it quite simply & to the point. hopefully it wasn't shit (don't hesitate to leave decent comments). 
> 
> also follow me @ deansbiflannel on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> also yes this whole fic will be ficlet length chapters!


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